The Dream Guy Returns
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven”. Ecclesiastes 3:1
I’m not a huge fan of Facebook. I find it for the most part to be mindless and idle, but what interests me the most about Facebook, other than the front row seats to watching the decay of modern society, is the Facebook memory feature.
About a year after I left a former boyfriend, I was annoyed with this feature- constantly reminding me of a love lost, a love that wasn’t real-a failure hiding behind the mask of a man who pretended to love me. I set it up so that no more memories of he and I would invade my daily activities in the future on the social media app. For awhile, I avoided looking at the memories. I was so jaded from my relationship that I didn’t want to risk being reminded of it at all, but then friends would re-share our social media memories together and I began to notice that I was experiencing things in the present that I had experienced on the exact same day-years prior. Certain friends seemed to resurface my life around the same time each year as so did certain creative opportunities and insights. I became curious and started checking my Facebook memories daily. I began to notice that yes, there is a season for everything but for me, these “everythings” were the same things year in and year out.
For example, I will be very ill in the months of November and then again in May- June. In June, if there is a man in my life, we are going through something drastic post-breakup such as court or me finally cutting ties after he has gone too far. I’ll even write jokes about my fears of motherhood when the weather gets hot. I injured my arm in the summer one year for only years later in 2021, my mother broke her arm the same month. I even believe Hannah and I produced our first stand-up show together in the same month as we released the podcast, just many years apart.
I’ve been noticing my reoccurrences almost daily. They always blow my mind, but I began taking notes after this Monday on the seasons of my life when something happened that really blew my mind. You may recall in a previous episode, I mentioned I had a third prophetic dream about The Dream Guy. I knew it was prophetic when it happened and I held back from sharing it with anyone for many months. I tell Hannah and my best friend Jayme almost everything, but this dream I kept to myself. I didn’t want to seem too hopeful in my reconciliation with him and have my friends pity me or think I was
desperately holding onto a love lost.
In December of 2020, I dreamt one day I would be working in a restaurant and The Dream Guy would come to eat. He would be wearing shorts and a t-shirt indicating it was summer. In my dream, I approached him and we talked. We caught up and everything seemed to be back to normal as if he had never kicked me out of his car. We even left the restaurant together. I was very happy in the dream. I also had another dream about him and my ex in January. I don’t remember what my ex was doing but The Dream Guy came into my job with another woman and there was a sickness going around.
This past Spring, I started a new job. I work at my favorite restaurant. It also happens to be the restaurant The Dream Guy would take me out to for dinner. I have several friends from my former job who worked there and helped me get hired on. I love the restaurant and it has been quite the blessing for me. My first shift, they had me working a Saturday night in the bar area. My boyfriend at the time, the one I just broke up with, came in and sat at one of my tables to have a drink. I was slammed. I turned the corner and he met my eyes to tell me The Dream Guy was sitting at the bar. “No way. What a cruel joke”, I thought to myself instantly. Well, if I wasn’t running on instinct and overran by emotions, that is what I thought. I know I felt like my stomach had just dropped into my kneecaps. I think this was the most uncomfortable I have felt in years.
There was my new boyfriend sitting at my table at my new job while the man who had ripped my heart out of my chest, who inspired this podcast, whom I have not seen or spoken to in six or seven months, whom I have quite a history with, sat merely feet away from he and I. They knew each other. My boyfriend was convinced The Dream Guy was stalking me or I had told him to see me at work. I should have known he was crazy then. Why would I want to put myself into such an uncomfortable situation on my first day at my new job? The level of delusion was unreal. To my humiliation, the boyfriend made his presence known. The Dream Guy was sitting right in front of the computer as I rang in orders. I never made eye contact. I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. Thankfully, he finished his drink, paid his tab and left. I could breathe...and text my friends.
I figured because he knew I was working at this restaurant, surely The Dream Guy wouldn’t come back in. Of course, I was reminded of the dream but considering I had a new relationship, I put it out of my mind. That is until this past Monday. I was working the lunch shift. In fact, I was working with my friend and former, “I Got Dumped” guest, Cameo. It was her first day on the job. I’m sure it will be almost as memorable for her as my first shift was for me.
I was walking out of the bathroom when I looked up and my eyes met The Dream Guy-standing at the host stand opposite Cameo as he waited to be taken to a table. He looked like a deer in headlights. I am sure I did too. I knew I had two options: I could act like I didn’t see him when we both know I did and set myself up for a tense-filled shift and possibly many more to come since clearly we both don’t intend on staying away from this restaurant OR I could smile and let him know I had let it go. I was over it. After all, I am over it. I’ve been over it for almost a year now.
So, I smiled and nodded my head at him. He looked relieved. He sat by himself at a table and I knew he was waiting on someone, but I felt this was my opportunity to speak to him. I had to do it. I didn’t even question it. I just found myself walking up to his table and asking him how he was. We talked for several minutes before I decided to pull myself away and get back to serving my tables. I didn’t ask him why he acted the way he did or did he have a girlfriend now. In fact, those questions never crossed my mind. I just genuinely wanted to converse and let him know I was okay with his presence. I have no hard feelings. Minutes later, another woman joined him at the table. I was completely unbothered by it. It actually really surprised me how unbothered I was by it. It seemed to bother all my coworkers, but I know he isn’t the right guy for me. He isn’t the one that got away. There’s nothing he can do that can break my heart again and in his defense, the last time he saw me, I had a boyfriend. Why should I care? He broke up with me so he could continue to date other women. He is doing what he said he was going to do. It’s honestly kind of funny to me and I think it is to him too. He threw a wink at me as he left. You do you, boo.
So it appears two of my dreams came to fruition once again about The Dream Guy. I dreamt he would come into a restaurant I was working at in the summer, we would talk and everything would be just as it always was and I also dreamt I would see him in a restaurant with another woman.
Two days later, I checked my Facebook memories and I had posted a cringe- worthy status on June 30th, 2010. I think of all the Facebook memory coincidences this one blows my mind the most. I posted, “Love how you bring skanky mcnasty in my job...like I wouldn’t be working. This must be awkward for her...”. I am not completely sure who that was in regard to but my best bet is Mr. Sweet Tea No Lemon. So how is it eleven years later and yet I am still experiencing the same situations now? It’s almost as if my life is a game and the only thing changing is the characters. Can you relate? I bet you can. The only difference between you and I is I am studying the patterns in my life. We always want to be mindful of the patterns we create in our life. Sometimes these patterns are strongholds. Sometimes they are a way the enemy keeps us in distress or distracted. New man, same relationship, same problems. New woman, same relationship, same problems.
Sure it might be them, but it’s you too. What do we need to heal so that we can prevent relationships with toxic people? People who are bad for us will continue to be shoved into our lives until we are able to heal the wounds inside us that attract them to us. I will take myself for example. I have endured a lot of abuse in my life. It began in my childhood. I am beginning to believe that throughout my years of counseling, I have missed a memory somewhere or the Lord hasn’t revealed it to me yet. There still may be a rock left unturned. My previous relationship teaches me that. If I were completely free from abuse, I don’t believe abusers would still find me so appealing. After all, they want a victim not a warrior. Because I have an abuse wound inside me, I have a target on my back for abusers. They will seek me out. It is what they do. Sometimes it is not love. It is the spirits that operate in a person bringing them into our lives to wreck their havoc and leave us in distress.
If you are in an abusive relationship or you are leaving one, please be patient with yourself. This is not an overnight fix. It is a real journey. I have been healing from these wounds since 2015 and I don’t believe the real healing began for me until 2018 when I encountered the Lord. It wasn’t until the darkness that had been hovering over me was lifted from my eyes and the room I was sitting began to brighten inside a tiny church in Nashville, do I believe I endured a real healing.
As for me, I am continuing to dig deep and discover and break free from the patterns in my life. I am praying for revelation as to which stone is left unturned so that I can break the cycle of being sucked into relationships with people who try to control and belittle me. I do believe the biggest lesson for me between the Dream Guy and Mr. Sweet Tea No Lemon is that yes, they both came into my job with different women. Yes, they both exhibited the same thoughtless and careless behavior and were not mindful of my hurt, BUT what bothered me so much in 2010 got a cringe-worthy complaint to the internet whereas the same situation eleven years later, got an episode of a podcast about how unbothered I was.